6 miles (11:58)

today was the day that I Began Eating Healthy.

it didn’t start out that way. i ran 6 miles on the hasselhoff (11:58). i had one goal in mind: finish so i could go to work and buy a Mama Scuzzy Imitation Dolly Madison Snack Cake from the vending machine. it was another nice day, and my legs still felt fine. but mostly i couldn’t wait to get to work. the problem: i couldn’t find any money at home. i ended up with a pocketful of nickels. do you have any idea how many nickels it takes to assemble $1.25? 7,265. i brought them into the newsroom in a small wheelbarrow. i was all set. and then.

it struck me. if i’m going to get serious about this running thing, i need to get more serious about my nutrition as well. sure, the Mama Scuzzy Imitation Dolly Madison Snack Cake offers taste Nirvana (not to be confused with taste Foo Fighters.) but in the long run, i need to fuel my body. vrb already has the donut thing covered. so i did what i had to do. I ate the banana i had brought from home. i am a Good Person.

ok, that’s not EXACTLY the way it happened. i actually plunked in the 7,265 nickels, one by one. just like being in vegas except for the lack of an elderly woman waiting to swoop in from behind when i quit playing. and then, the little gizmo turned. the Mama Scuzzy Imitation Dolly Madison Snack Cake came toward me.

and got stuck.

having given the machine the exact total of my retirement savings, i could not put in more money to force it out. i called over bowman, the resident muscle, to put some hurt on it. after a couple of tries, he pointed out “it’s stuck.” so it was. and so was i.

so i ate my stupid banana. i guess it’s for the best. i’ve been working on nutrition all week, and the runs seem to be better for it. maybe it’s A Sign.

a sign that i’ll bring in another $1.25 tomorrow and bask in the greatness of TWO Mama Scuzzy Imitation Dolly Madison Snack Cakes. best day ever. i might even hydrate. nah.

oh, who am i kidding? that elderly vegas woman surely was working the machine minutes after i give up and is somewhere eating it already. likely with a fork and knife.

running sucks.

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About gary

no sock monkeys were harmed in the making of this blog.
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