i thought he meant gaiters

i’m pretty laid back about races. i give you a bunch of money, you give me a race. done and done. so i don’t pay much attention when i’m signing up. address info, click waiver saying i won’t sue you if i die, give you my credit card, name as many spice girls as i can remember (was there a papa spice? i confuse them with the smurfs), and hit send. hopefully show up on race day, run a bunch, drink free beer, drive home. repeat as necessary. so imagine my dismay when the rules for an upcoming race  arrived yesterday and i read RULE NO. 1:  yes, they wait till a month AFTER you sign up for the race to point out that YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH THE ALLIGATORS!!!! umm, what’s the point of the race if you don’t get to mess with the gators on the course? “if you see one crossing, let it cross. if it won’t move, then just wait.” right. like i’m going to blow my 13:45 pace to let a gator go by. i didn’t spend all those years steeplechasing for nothing. actually i didn’t spend all those years steeplechasing at all. but i did once jump over a large puddle at the SCC track. OK, part of the large puddle. and there were no gators at the SCC track that i am aware of. and what if it just goes to sleep on the trail? this could be the biggest standoff since The Great Jenny Vs. The Longhorn Staredown of 2015. i am sure to be the last runner, so the old adage about how you don’t have to be faster than the animal, only faster than the other runner, comes to mind. i’m a goner for sure. and that was only rule no. 1. i  stopped reading at that point so that if i violate any more rules i will pass the polygraph test. oh, well. 4 miles of huffamoose-fueled raisins on the jesus etc. course (11:37). no alligators anywhere, although a guy at the selena shrine was wearing crocs. no, i didn’t touch, try to touch or mess with them in ANY WAY. dammit.

p.s.: day 1 of the Great Elf Shirt Wearathon of 2015 is in the bank. let the holiday season begin.




About gary

no sock monkeys were harmed in the making of this blog.
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