the story is true. only the names, geography, time, distance and gender of the koala have been altered to protect the privacy of the olsen twins. those olsen twins love their privacy.
i was off today, so 4 miles would be a piece of cake. or at least a birthday cookie divided four ways. the only problem? it was insanely hot. not normal insanely hot: more like i’m a billionaire running to be commander in chief so i’m gonna call all POWs losers crazy hot. what to do? stall. i waited a while and it got even hotter. i eventually decided to wait till evening. then came The Great Storm of 2015. lightning, black skies, wind that picked the car up. cows!!! we had cows!!!!!! clearly there was but one solution: treadmill.
it was an uneventful night at the gym. empty, calm, that reassuring i’m such a loser this is how i spend friday evening vibe. we had run about a half mile when the party arrived. three women. luckily there are 23 treadmills and they’re all empty so they chose the one next to me. yak yak yak yak apparently unaware if you hit the button the tm starts, allowing you to exercise. as they settled in, the woman next to me realized she had no headphones. that’s ok, her friend said. just turn up the volume and listen on speaker! and that’s what she did. sadly, she was not a soundgarden devotee. i cracked.
we moved across the room, but the moment was gone. 1.5 miles, 13:15, solemn vow to never stoop to the tm again. luckily, the art studio has added a coffee table. i’m drinking prickly pear and staring at Gamera. WAY better than running. if only i had rice krispie treats.