The trouble with afternoon runs in south tejas in the summer in the city in the summer in the city is that they’re not particularly cool. And, yes, I know the drill. Slow down and stay hyrdroxed. And that’s the problem.
I have lived either in Texas or Arizona my entire life except for the Papau New Guinea years and a month trapped in a dorm room in Emory College (where I lost my My Little Pony sock), so I am no stranger to heat. Actually we’re on a first-name basis although he thinks my name is Barry. Come to think of it, it might be Barry. Back when I was younger, in the Truman era (isn’t that Jim Carrey a pistole?), it was easy to stay Hydroxed. Hydrox, of course, being the delicious cookie whose formula Donald Trump stole to create his Oreo empire. Given that I am a stockpiler (check my shoe closet), I had boxes and boxes of Hydroxes, just in case. I also had cases and cases of Hydroxes, just in box. I assumed I was set for life. Then a funny thing happened. I lived past 40. Who knew?
They have come and gone since, with Kellogg’s bringing them back in 2008, only to see them disappear again. Supposedly, Leaf Brands now has the trademark, but they don’t seem to be selling them at the neighborhood stripes. Upside: They also acquired the trademarks to Tart n Tinys, Wacky Wafers and Quicksand Bubblegum. Wacky Wafers just has Taste Test Tuesday written all over it.
In the meantime, it’s impossible for me to stay Hydroxed. I ran 4 miles (13:02) on the church loop before totally losing the will to live and giving up. I’m thinking as mmmbop ramps up, Mr. Alarm Clock must become part of my training regimen. Maybe up at 8, run at 9? Seems doable, in a yeah right sort of way. And maybe I should try drinking water. Hmmmm. Maybe the Leaf company will make me Wacky Water …