10 miles (13:16)

some days at the gym are quiet bliss. some are like today. i’m the ONLY person in a row of 300 treadmills. I’m on the next to last tm next to the wall. did i mention i’m the ONLY person there? so when the one with the chirping phone doing obscene stretches needs a treadmill, which one does she choose. THE ONE NEXT TO ME!!!!! i’m only 3 miles into 10 miler, so i’m stuck. every 30 seconds her phone makes a tweety sound. stop. stare. start. tweet. stop. stare. start. sprint, stop, sprint, stop. then weird sideways lunges that require her to turn toward me. i don’t have a lot of treadmill rules, but i think you should stick with one direction. finally, after a half hour of torture, she leaves. her bag of cocaine remains on the treadmill. i figure i deserve it, but she remembers and comes back before i can make my move. at least a quiet last 4 miles, right? not so much. some lounge lizard kinda guy hops up on the treadmill DIRECTLY TO THE LEFT OF ME (did i mention i’m the only person on this row). he’s a las vegas wannabe. walking in a fake leather jacket with sleeves pushed up. he screams at a friend on other end of gym to come over. they begin an extremely loud conversation (he is wearing headphones and sees no reason to lower the sound). i prepare my best Death Stare until i listen to them for a second. they’re discussing the best automatic weapons. one has a new ak-something that when using a scope will kill anything 200 yards away. i estimate i’m 6 feet away. i scratch my crotch and belch loudly, the only macho moves i know. sometimes i wish i were a guy. they’re still yelling at each other about the merits of the ak-something (it has no sharp edges. apparently this is a good thing) when i finally give it up for the day. 10 miles (13:16). tomorrow i’m going to go find some dead fish on seaweed smell. sounds like heaven.

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About gary

no sock monkeys were harmed in the making of this blog.
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